Bloodrayne & Once Bitten

Once Bitten & Bloodrayne podcast episode copyright 2021
Once Bitten movie poster

Yes, this is a two for one deal. I just wanted to get my two least favorite movies over with. These cinematic masterpieces were recommended by Erik and Lorra for Once Bitten and JD for Bloodrayne.

Once Bitten is lazy. There’s no other way I can put it. It relies heavily on sex to keep the audience entertained, the special effects are terrible, and everything is too convenient. The fact that the Countess has two other virgins at her disposal yet chooses to keep pursuing Mark is ridiculous.

Bloodrayne… wow. You know when you watch something really, truly terrible and block it from your memory? I did that. I forgot how just plain awful this movie is. Of course I remember the video game because everyone (especially guys) wanted to play it, and it had a pretty decent story arc. I actually had to go back and look up the game plot to make sure I wasn’t remembering a completely different story.

I also think that Ben Kingsley’s and Billy Zane’s wigs were the inspiration for the terrible hairpieces in Twilight.

Bloodrayne movie poster

I guess this is supposed to be Rayne’s origin story? So much does not make sense. Why is she in the same costume she wore when the game was set in modern times when the movie clearly is set sometime around or right after the Middle Ages? How is it that somehow everyone had a different accent regardless of whether or not they were in the same family or from the same town? Whose brilliant idea was it to tell half the story using flashbacks, most of which you don’t even get to see until the end?

You can tell how done with it I am around the point where she’s getting the eye. The levels of exasperation and irritation in my voice reach new heights.

Once Bitten came out in 1985 from the Samuel Goldwyn Company, and it was directed by Howard Storm. It was written by David Hines, Jeffrey Hause, and Jonathon Roberts based on a story by Dimitri Villard. It stars Jim Carrey as Mark, Lauren Hutton as the Countess, Cleavon Little as Sebastian, Karen Kopkins as Robin, Thomas Ballatore as Jamie, and Skip Lackey as Russ.

Bloodrayne, which earned Uwe Boll a Stinker award for the second year in a row (he won the first one for Alone in the Dark), is so bad that it had 6 nominations for Razzies, 5 nominations for Stinkers, and won Stinker awards for worst picture, worst direction, worst ensemble, and least special special effects.  It came out in 2005 from Boll KG Productions and was directed by Uwe Boll. It was written by Guinevere Turner based on the video game, even though the movie has absolutely nothing to do with the game other than Rayne’s outfit and the Brimstone Society. It stars Kristanna Loken as Rayne, Michael Madsen as Vladimir, Matthew Davis as Sebastian, Ben Kingsley as Kagan, and Michelle Rodriguez as Katarin, which I swear everyone kept pronouncing as Katherine. 

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